Opting Out of the Dark Winter

I try not to get too political these days. There’s too much hate, too much strife–on both sides of the aisle, and I’d just as soon none of it be directed at me. As I write this, we’re 10 days from a contentious Presidential election that I fear will leave our country even more divided than it is now.

But something was said in the debate this week that I feel led to talk about. In speaking about COVID-19, former Vice President Biden claimed more than once that the US is “about to go into a dark winter.”

The former VP is inferring that the upcoming months will be bleak, filled with sickness, death, and mourning. (although it’s important to realize that although many, many are likely to be infected with COVID in the coming days, weeks, and months, as it is a highly contagious illness, 99.75% of those infected will survive).

I don’t like fear mongering and I think we’ve seen a lot of it over the last nine months. So when I heard the phrase “dark winter” and the message that was clearly meant to play on our fears, I was immediately unhappy. For so many reasons.

Life on earth could basically be one long dark winter if we allowed it to be. Satan would love that. He’d love for us to just sit with our darkness and refuse the light and turn away from the hope.

But I firmly believe we have to CHOOSE to live in the light EVEN THROUGH THE DARK WINTERS. Choose to see the bright side. Choose to realize that GOD is the bright side.

I suspect that regardless of which candidate wins the upcoming election, there is the potential for a “dark winter” that’s likely to be filled with sickness, death, riots, and unrest. And it all feels so heavy. It would be so easy to slip into that dark winter and let it just consume us all.

But friends, there is still light in the future! It’s there. He’s there. God turns the darkness into light. Always.

And I know…you’re thinking, “but 2020 is a crazy year–nothing like this has ever happened in the whole history of the whole world.”

But that’s not really true. And remember that not one single thing that’s happened in 2020 has been a surprise to God. Covid, riots, lockdowns, even murder hornets–no surprise to Him. Remember that there’s nothing new under the sun. Our ancestors went through some pretty tough times. Wars and famines and illnesses and droughts. Resilience is in our DNA! Don’t give in to the fear. Choosing faith over fear isn’t always easy, but I think as Christians it is vital.

And now, we have a choice. We can spiral into the long dark winter and focus only on the bad—because let’s face it, the world has a LOT of bad. Or we can choose the light even through the dark times.

So while there may indeed be a “dark winter” approaching, I think I’ll opt out. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there is always light to be found if you seek it out.

“You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light.” 2 Samuel 22:29.

And Then BAM, You’re 40…

I’ve put off writing this post because I knew it was going to be a challenge. But seeing as today is the last day of 2016, I guess I don’t have a choice.

2016 was the year I turned 40. (Note to self: The Year I Turned 40 would make a great book title.)

40 hasn’t been that easy. And not for the reasons you may think.

Sure, it’s not that fun to find the random gray hairs that have snuck in or to notice that it’s much harder to lose weight now. And don’t even get me started about those little wrinkles that have appeared around my eyes.

But coming to terms with 40 has been hard and it has nothing to do with the physical aspects of being four decades old.

Frankly, I’ve never felt better. In fact, I don’t feel 40. I feel like I should still be 25. Sometimes it shocks me to realize how old I am. I remember my parents at 40 and I thought they were super-old grownups who had it all figured out. Now I know the truth!

40 has been the year when I no longer care what people think. This year while my husband and I were in Mexico, I opted NOT to wear my swim skirt cover up over my bathing suit. That skirt has been a beach staple of mine since I was 25. Yep. You know what? It felt great. I spent years feeling self-conscious because shudder what if someone saw cellulite on my hips? HA.

At 40, I laugh in the face of cellulite.

It’s also been the year that I realized I’m more than my job. I’m a classic workaholic, I’ll admit it. I’ve let my career define me for the past decade or more. No more. This year, I’ve left work behind on multiple occasions without even a smidge of the guilt that would have plagued me before. Friday afternoon? I’m done. Vacation? Two vacations in 2016 and I didn’t log on to work once. That may seem silly to some, but it’s a big accomplishment for me.

At 40, I realize that work is not the most important thing. There can be other jobs, but you can’t get back the moments you’ve lost.

It’s been the year I’ve become comfortable in my own skin. I am who I am. That doesn’t mean there aren’t things I don’t want/need to improve on, but overall, I’m no longer apologetic for my “quirks.” I am introverted in a way many don’t understand. Large groups—even my family whom I love—give me anxiety. I have learned what I can and cannot handle. Sometimes that means I leave a family function early. I used to feel terrible about it. Now I realize that it’s better to just be me, even if it means I retreat to the silence of my own home after a few hours of togetherness.

At 40, I finally understand that sometimes I have to take care of myself and that makes it so that I’m better able to care for others.

Me and my parents in 1976, the year I was born.

It’s been the year that I’ve had to face the idea of life without loved ones. For whatever reason, 40 has been the year when I’ve been gripped with the fear of losing my parents, husband, and family members. There are nights when I wake up and can’t go back to sleep because I’m terrified of what a life without them would be. There are no answers here—I suspect we all go through it. I may appear to be a grownup adult, but there are many moments DAILY when I need my mom or my dad.

At 40, I see that life is so short. When you’re young you think you have all the time in the world. At this point, I realize that time really is the most precious currency, and I have to make the most of it.

Here are a few other gems I’ve learned at 40:

Good and true friends are some of God’s biggest blessings.

So are good dogs.

High heels aren’t always worth it. Sometimes it’s more important to be comfortable.

Never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep and a good cup of coffee.

A clean house really does make a difference in your quality of life.

Some days you need to call in sick and stay in bed and binge watch TV all day. It may not be productive but it is such a treat.

Spending time with people who make you laugh will make you feel at least ten years younger.

Prayer changes you. If you have an issue with someone, pray for them. Daily. It will make a difference.

If a movie, TV show, or book has something in it you don’t like or approve of, remove yourself. Walk out of the theater. Change the channel. Put it back on the shelf. Life is too short. I don’t like violence or bad language. I’ve finally, finally realized that It’s MY choice not to see or hear it.

Don’t compare yourself to other people. No good can come of it.

And there you have it. My “turning 40” post. I’ve watched my friends turn 40 this year and it’s been weird because when I see them, I still see cheerleaders and football players and people I laughed with in the dorm. Seeing them at 40, adults, parents, businesspeople…it’s kind of shocking. I spent a lot of time earlier in the year wondering where the time went.

But now that I’ve come to terms with 40, I know where the time went. We were all living life, experiencing moments both good and bad. That’s what brought us to now.

And I’m suddenly looking forward to 50 because I can look back and honestly say that life has gotten better with each passing year.

What a gift that is.

Happy 2017, friends!

Some “turning 40” photos:

The night I turned 40

They surprised me!

Johnny and me celebrating.

 

 

Let’s Get Political

 

I never expected to put anything political on here because I’m one of the few who likes to keep that sort of thing private. Many of you may not know this, but I’m kind of a political junkie. I’ve often considered running for office, but chose instead to move my life into a different direction.

My social media feeds are filled with hate and judgment regarding the election. I’ve sat and watched a lot of name calling and I’ve seen people’s Christianity and/or character be attacked because they are voting for one or the other.

Guess what? If you vote for Hillary, I don’t think it makes you “not a Christian” and if you vote for Trump, I don’t think it means you’re “uneducated and ignorant.”

The right to vote is powerful. And we forget that because of the circus that is in the media. I fear that the media (liberal or not) causes far more problems in our country than we realize. Everyone has an agenda. Don’t ever forget that. We can claim “fair and balanced” news but really, that is hard (almost impossible) to come by.

I’ve seen people say they don’t like either candidate so they aren’t going to cast a vote. That makes me angry. Do you know how many people fought for your right to vote? For you to throw that away and sit home make me sick and sad.

I’ve seen people say that they’re leaving America if one candidate wins. If this is your attitude, I kind of think you should just pack your bags and go now, even before the ballots are in. America is so much more than who is in the White House.

I’ve seen a lot of people who want to support a third party. They don’t like Hillary and they don’t like Trump, so they’re supporting a different party or writing someone in. If your conscience tells you that’s what you should do, then I don’t begrudge you that. My opinion though, for what it’s worth, is that until we have a true 3 party kind of system where there are 3 solid candidates who have a legitimate shot and are included in the debates, etc., I would never do it. We all know at the end of the day either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will be elected. If you don’t like either of them, I think looking past the presidency to the vice presidency is a great plan.

If you’re still undecided, that’s fine. Do some research. If you don’t like either candidate, look to their VP choices. Are you comfortable with either of them being President should something happen? Look toward the Supreme Court. This is what I am basing my vote on this year.

If we elect Donald Trump or if we elect Hillary Clinton…they could have 4 years in office and be gone. But the Supreme Court Justice(s) that get appointed, and at least 1 will…their average length of service is 16 years, with some service much longer. This is huge, y’all! I implore you at this point to think long and hard about that. Where do you stand when it comes to things like abortion, gun control, healthcare, and immigration? Consider that when you vote, and remember that the candidate who takes office will have a hand in shaping those things for the future simply based on the appointment of a Supreme Court Justice.

Are you happy with the way the last 8 years have gone? I’m not. I see one candidate who promises more of the same, but on steroids. The other is a loose cannon, I’ll give you that, but has a history of surrounding himself with highly successful people who are good at their jobs.

Some of us are going to be very upset later today. There will be words said that shouldn’t. You may get into a political argument with a loved one or co-worker. And that makes me sad. Sad because in the end, we know the outcome of ALL OF THIS. In the end, good will triumph over evil. And I’m not talking about at the polls.

God is so much bigger than a political race. He can handle this. Regardless of who takes the oath, I beg you to PRAY for that person. Even if it isn’t who you voted for. Even if they make your stomach turn. Even if you secretly are one of the people researching a move to Canada or Brazil. Pray for the person who is elected and for our country. No President can heal our country. Only God can do that. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that our country needs some major healing.

 

Ashes to Ashes

The last family photo made at Grandma’s house. Christmas 2013.

A house isn’t a living, breathing thing. Not really.

But a house that is full of love, full of happy memories is beautiful and warm. It’s a place of comfort. A soft place to land when you fall. A beacon of light in what can otherwise be a dark world.

My grandparents’ house was that for me. As a child, it was more magical than Disneyland. I learned to roller skate down the hallway, learned to cook in the kitchen. Some of the happiest times of my life happened between those walls.

Once upon a time…

Over the years, we played football and volleyball in the yard. Put a baseball diamond in the field across the dirt road. My grandpa played with us sometimes, barefoot like he had when he was a boy. For a time, my grandmother allowed her dining room table to be replaced by a ping-pong table so we could have family wide tournaments on Sundays after lunch. We gathered for holidays, sure, but we also gathered for Sunday lunch. The house was often filled to capacity, but it never felt too crowded.

We’ve celebrated births and mourned deaths in that house. Even after my grandpa was killed a few years ago, being in his house made me feel like he was still around. I almost expected to hear his voice, calling to us from the living room like he used to do.

In January, on the coldest day of the year, the house burned to the ground. I’m thankful that my uncle and my grandma made it out. That overrides the sorrow over losing such a special place.

But it still hurts.

There are some places that become part of us. That help shape us and form us into the people we will become. Their house was that for me. We prayed as a family before every meal. An American flag flew out front, a testament to my grandparents’ patriotism–something they passed along to their children and grandchildren.

Jeremy, me, and Jeff, after a Sunday afternoon of playing at Grandma’s. We had probably been playing Dukes of Hazzard…

Grandma is 94, and planning to rebuild. Her remarkable faith and courage is something that we can all learn from.  And I know that her new house will soon be filled with the same love and laughter as the old one.

That doesn’t mean that there won’t be times that I’ll wish for those old paneled walls and tiled floors and red brick. That I won’t miss seeing Grandpa’s old recliner and the photos that lined the hall.

But time marches on, whether we’re ready for it or not. The older I get, the more thankful I become for my family. And while I know it’s normal to miss the house because of the memories it held, I also know that the bricks and the concrete aren’t what made Grandma’s house magical.

It was the people inside.

Grandpa and Me. If I could go back in time to that moment, I’d give him a hug.